7:2018

Hey guys.

Why I didn't show any of my picture in this blog? Am I hiding? Nope. I'm not hiding. I'm just not confident enough. And I put myself as someone with bipolar condition. I have multiple personality. Sometimes I'm happy, sometimes I'm sad out of nowhere, and sometimes I just bland *no emotion.

And that's why I change how my blog looks for like more than dozen time! I love writing blog but I still afraid to open wide about myself. I don't want all the peoples who knows me, knowing that I have a blog. I felt embarrassed about that. So, by keeping incognito I can still share what I want. 

When I'm gonna reveal my face? I don't know tho. I'm still trying to gain more confident. I hate myself because of that. I keep hiding for like couple of years tho. I just need a confident booster. Is there anyone out there sell it? x_x

Well, I know one day I will reveal myself :)

.End of post.

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6:2018

Disclaimer :  I'm not a liberal regarding of this post. Triggered post incoming. 

I've been waiting so long to write about this. Like I'm scared if someone get triggered with this matter. But, I need to talk about this.

So are you guys happened to heard about Panic! At the Disco? That I write sins not tragedies guys? Brendon Urie? Spencer? Ryan Ross? Jon Walker? Wait, I will put the picture.

This is like 13 years ago. And we know that Brendon Urie is the only sole member left in the band right now.

Brendon Urie

So the problem is, does Panic! At the Disco still relevant in Malaysia. Why I came out with this question? For those who follows this band, you guys definitely know how their music is. The title, the album, the lyrics. People labeling them as satanic lol just because couple of songs, LA Devotee and Emperor's New Clothes. And also there's a song like so-call anthem for LQBTQ community. girls/girls/boys. And it's triggered all the homophobic including me! Obviously. And how crazy is, last month they released 2 songs from their upcoming new album, Pray For The Wicked.

Wanna know the title? Fuhh, I'm so scared people will come to me XD. It's called Say Amen (Saturday Night) and (*uck A) Silver Lining. I already heard the songs and it's not suitable for us. I mean, if you want to listen it by yourself, go on. But don't you dare to play it in public. People will judge you, despite they smoking in public shamelessly, lulz.

We don't have any concert cultural in Malaysia. If one day, this guy happen to make a concert in Malaysia, I will freak out if they did. I love them! And start to play those triggered songs, they definitely gonna be ban here. 98% sure. With the mak cik bebawangs out there, Panic! At the Disco won't make it. As I remembered, the last time they were here, it was in 2008. 10 years ago! I was 14 at that time, lol. 

I don't blame Malaysian tho. Because we're full with adat ketimuran. That's what make Malaysia unique in this world. But, somehow, the world might have change. A lot! Do Malaysian accept them? I don't know. I do. I will go to their concert if they happened to make one. But I pretty sure they will do some research first for do's and don't in here. 

Here lil bit info about the album. I'm excited for it to be honest. And I was likely to lose a friend because of this band. HAHA. What a fun moment.

Pray for the Wicked is the sixth studio album by American rock band Panic! at the Disco, set to be released June 22, 2018^[2] on Fueled by Ramen and DCD2. It is the follow-up to the band's fifth studio album, Death of a Bachelor (2016).

Track listing[edit]

Adapted from iTunes.^[3]

No.	Title	Length
1.	"(Fuck A) Silver Lining"	2:48
2.	"Say Amen (Saturday Night)"	3:09
3.	"Hey Look Ma, I Made It"
4.	"High Hopes"
5.	"Roaring 20s"
6.	"Dancing's Not a Crime"
7.	"One of the Drunks"
8.	"The Overpass"
9.	"King of the Clouds"
10.	"Old Fashioned"
11.	"Dying in LA"

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5:2018

I always adore art. Since I was child. In kindergarten, I used to draw full figured pic. Not like stick man or random scribbled. I'm not saying that I'm good with art. I just say that how passionate I am with art. Drawing, sketching, coloring does make my heart calm. Been suffer with moderate depression, these kind of thing does help me to cope with it. I tend to do traditional art, means I use pencil, brushes, water color. I'm not into digital art yet because lack of "stuff". I mean I need the right tool to do it. And I don't have it. So I just stick with what I had.

Do I make art everyday?

; No. I don't. Mainly because I working in shift hour. So, if I have free time, then I will draw something. And it kinda possible to make art everyday to be honest. I spent time on a simple art about 5 hours a day. If it need some colors and a big canvas a week or 2 weeks. It depends. So, I really salute to those artist that can spend their whole time to art. Mad respect.

Do I take art major?

; I used to learnt art on secondary school. I mean for the final years. It actually unexpected cause. When I was in my old school, I didn't take art. But when I transfer into new school, I had to, because my exam result is not so good, so I need to change the subjects that I learnt throughout the year. And I really greatful about that. Simple to say, I'm a self-learner. :) But when I further my studies, my major is food science. Soooo, that's so different. And I guess there's a hikmah behind all these thing.

So here is some of my drawing. Mostly singers from LA. Brendon Urie from Panic! At the Disco, Honey and Jude and Rudy Mancuso. Yup. and I'm aware there's a watermark there. And yes, that's a page for panic! at the disco art. Because I tend to draw Brendon a lot. So, I decided to open a page mainly for Brendon Urie. High-key loving Panic! At the Disco. Yup, I know it's not that good. But, who cares, haha. Even you just do a weird circle in a big canvas, it still an art. Art is subjective. Remember that.

The purpose of art is washing the dust of daily life off our souls.-Pablo Picasso

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4:2018

I'm falling into deep deep deep emotional hole tonight.

The music serving sad songs playing with the string of my heart.

Wondering and keep wondering, does this life need to end like this?

Sick and tired with the same routine.

Sick and tired pretending everything is fine.

Sick and tired...

Serving for others heart too many time,

Without knowing how to take care my aching heart.

And now let drown all the feeling that gasping for air one more time.

Keep repeating and repeating,

Until one day this heart stop by itself.

Not because I'm dead, but I lost my dear self.

-Kay

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3:2018

Honey and Jude Official Website 

Honey and Jude YouTube channel 

Honey and Jude Instagram page 

Honey and Jude.

You guys  must wondering who these people are. They are Honey and Jude! A pop duo from Los Angeles, California. Why I make an entry about them? Because I stan them! Being their fans since 26 October 2016. 

How I met them? Not really met, but found them. One day, I was on YouTube searching for new Lady Gaga's song because she just released her new album at that time. And then as I scrolling the timeline I saw this two beautiful human made a cover of Just Another Day by Lady Gaga. And, truth to be told I'm not into covers videos. I don't know why I click on their video. And it was my best decision ever!

Proof :p

At that time I didn't go crazy about them. But after they start released their new single on Feb 2017, it's called The Real Thing, just in split second in my head said, this guys need more recognition.

The Real Thing music video

You know what have I done? I made a fan page for them, lol xD. Never ever in my life I've done something like that. Both of them are so genuine, talented, their songs are so good. Go and get it on iTune or listen on Spotify ;)

List of their songs

Their YouTube channel. Go subscribed to them!

And both of them are so nice. Having a conversation with them was a blast. I connect with them trough DM on Instagram. Ohh yaa, their page is Honey and Jude @honeyandjude . Don't forget to follow them:) I really-really can't wait for their new stuff for this year. New songs? I don't know. Really hopeful! Lol.

SPECIAL SURPRISE

I legit crying, shook when saw this inside my office drawer. I was like, is this even real? I'm really2 grateful of it. Because I can't met them for now but I really hopeful to meet them one day. It's a 17 hours journey tho. It's one of my bucket list. I probably will faint if met them in front of my eyes lol. All I can say to them, keep doing what you guys love, what you guys good with. It does takes time. But don't worry all the efforts count. I believe in you guys <3

Oh yaa, I already put the link to their media social platform. Don't forget to click ;)

Thanks for reading.

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2:2018

Giving up on love.

Have you ever been in this situation? It's suckhhh >.<

Everyone with terrible experience having this feeling in their life. Lucky to the soul that have found their soulmate. Most of my love experience end up in tragic situation. Either they left me, left me without me knowing and the most tragic situation that made my heart ache until now is, knowing by myself that he got engaged with someone and didn't tell me anything about it. And then couple of month after that he got married! Shit. 

It's already been a year since that tragedy. It's not that I don't want to move on. I just afraid of hurting. My heart hurt, my physical exhausted, my brain draining. I'm just afraid. I need to locked my heart for awhile. It need some rest. All the pain that still floating around me didn't left me yet. One day, yes one day, it will disappear just like a mist.

Every night I try my best to dream tomorrow makes it better,And wake up to the cold reality and not a thing is changed,But it would be happen, gonna let it happen.-Paramore

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1:2018

So, hye. New theme, "new post". Most importantly new blog name. Let's make it short. Why Kay? I want people to call me Kay to be honest, and I'm just getting old. I've been thinking lately why I make this blog? I love this blog. I've been blogging since 2010. And I don't want to abandon it. And I will go anonymous with this one. For those who already know me, that's fine. Thanks for remember me :)

Yaa, ranting is fun.

Equally not fun. This blog will gonna be me posting some ranting shit about anything. Mostly about something I really-really wanna spill out.

I'm getting old.

Friends equally no friends. I have best friends that I boldly call as a family. But all of them from other countries. I'm an introvert. I'm okay when it's come to online situation. But when in real life, I'm suck. So ranting in blog is kinda fun but suck. As I'm getting old, I lost the passion for having fun with people. I love being alone. Well, probably because I live within it. Since primary school been left alone. I used to it :)

But wait,

if I had to interact with lots of people beside my family, because I'm fine with my family, lol. I'm okay with it. But just for a moment. And then I eagerly want to be alone again. And, spoiler alert, we all gonna be alone one day. That's a fact.

Being alone is not bad. If you used to it.

-Kay

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